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Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Capricorn Moon



‘The moon rotates on its own axis a hundred times slower than the earth.’

‘Really,’  she says. 

She seems interested, but logic tells the selenologist that he has insufficient experience with women to correctly determine her level of engagement. He continues because he’s afraid of silence. ‘The dark spots are craters filled with basalt which is a very dense material.’

She picks up the salt shaker and jiggles it. ‘Is basalt like table salt?’

Hoping the smile he squeezes out does not reek of condescension, he answers, ‘Basalt is a dark-colored, fine-grained, igneous rock composed mainly of plagioclase and pyroxene minerals.’

With no response, other than a quizzical stare at the salt shaker, to guide his next words, he’s lost for a moment. He resorts to knowledge because he knows that knowledge is interesting, powerful, even intoxicating. Intoxicating? Really? Whatever its effect, he has a plenteous supply, and he knows he must play his strong suit. Before he speaks, she asks a question. She’s hooked. She must be.

‘How big is the moon?’ 

Although he knows the exact figure, he doesn’t want to show off so he says, ‘The moon is roughly 3.8 billion hectares’ He lets the words float in the aromatic air between them. He’s an expert on the moon so he knows what he’s talking about. There’s no question of his superior intellect, nor any doubt that she will yield to its force. But she’s so beautiful he can hardly breathe and he fears his normally irresistible attempts to assert himself via intellectual assault will fail. Shipwrecked by the storm of his emotions. The lighthouse of her eyes pulling him closer rather than warning him away from the rocks. He feels, and it’s like the first time he has felt. What is it exactly? Extraordinary. He wants to be wrong. Why? Will she seize on his vulnerability? Will she be seduced by his weakness. He wants her to.

‘What star sign are you?’

She’s leaning forward across the table but he doesn’t know if it’s because she wants to be closer to him, or because she can’t hear properly over the noise of the busy restaurant. Her blonde hair falls around her face and onto her shoulders in soft fragrant curls. The question she asked is backed by bright green  reptilian eyes which grip him and cause him to tremble. He doesn’t want to talk about pish posh astrology. It’s so unscientific, it’s positively offensive. Yet he’s compelled to answer. Her liquid voice is truth serum. Her sexuality overwhelms him. She radiates seduction.

‘Capricorn.’

The woman bounces in her seat and her head moves around. She’s smiling, tittering. She’s excited by him being a Capricorn. This is so stupid. Insulting, but dammit if beauty was brains she’d make Einstein sound like Britney Spears after a night on the tiles.

‘Okay.’ She takes a melodramatic breath. ‘Let’s see. Moon in Capricorn means you don’t like taking risks so you plan ahead, and you feel safe when you organize things, and try to cover all eventualities.’

Apparently, she’s waiting for the selenologist to respond in awe to her astrological sagacity. He’s amused rather than awestruck, so he holds his tongue.

‘You come across as a bit cold because you aren’t comfortable with your feelings, and especially avoid sharing them with others. You also don’t like others pouring their hearts out to you. It’s just way too messy.’

He realizes, as he watches her elegantly sip her cocktail, that he doesn’t know her name. She asked permission to sit with him, and he consented out of courtesy. Despite feeling the onus was on the woman to initiate conversation due to the fact that she had invaded his space, the selenologist had spoken first. That had surprised him. This astrologer was right when she identified his need to control situations. That was why he started talking to her. He couldn’t stand the awkward and potentially embarrassing quiet. She had seemed perfectly at peace, and he found that disturbing. Remembering the onset of their discourse, he realized he had forgotten the pleasantries: simple greetings, introductions and mandatory small talk concerning the weather. The selenologist had dived straight in to his comfort zone: his area of expertise.

‘Look, Miss…?’

‘Call me Angel.’

He reaches for his glass of whiskey and recklessly empties into his mouth. It burns his throat and he coughs. When he feels confident that he can speak, he can’t bring himself to call her Angel.

‘I…’ he begins but can’t continue.

Undeterred by his sudden dysphasia, Angel leans forward once more and says, ‘Moon Signs help define our emotional development. They express the unconscious side of our personality. It explains why we do what we do.’ 

The selenologist musters his resolve and decides to attempt to regain control. ‘The moon is a satellite which orbits our Earth in twenty seven days, seven hours, forty three minutes and eleven point six seconds.’

‘Moon signs are a very accurate description of what a person is like,’ Angel counters. ‘People born under a Capricorn moon are usually very intelligent, with a deep respect for knowledge, and are adept at using it for their own benefit.’

‘If you could drive a motor vehicle to the moon, although obviously you can’t, it would take one hundred and thirty days of continuous driving.’

‘Authority and knowledge help you to feel more in control. You are afraid of rejection, and rarely at peace with yourself.’

With a stalemate thus established, the selenologist and Angel gaze into each other’s eyes, and are swallowed by the poignancy of the moment. He’s aware of blood rushing to his head and experiences breathlessness, so he looks for any similar signs of discomfort in Angel’s pretty face. He warns himself not to lower his eyes but the warning itself is enough to cause the action. If Angel notices his quick peek at her chest, she manifests no awareness. The war within him is exhausting. There is no sensible reason for him to resist her commanding charm. The pleasure he feels is terrifying and Angel offers nothing to suggest she means him any harm. Quite the contrary. Every word she said about him was true yet her tone is devoid of implied criticism. He could infer it if he wishes, but Angel completely lacks malice. He knows emotional vandalism: God knows how many times he’s been on the receiving end. This beautiful astrologer is the epitome of enigmatic. The selenologist intuits the significance of his next words so he chooses them carefully: editing and revising in his head as Angel persists in holding his gaze. It seems as though she worries that if she releases him, he will fall and shatter on the floor.

Finally, as the suspense threatens to detonate his conflicted mind, Angel averts her eyes and fumbles for her handbag which sits beside her feet. The selenologist slowly releases the breath he has been holding. He suspects every patron in the restaurant hears the hurricane howl as he exhales. Angel rummages in her bag and he watches, wondering.

She’s holding a business card which she places on the table in front of him as she stands. Smoothing down the front of her blouse draws his attention again to her chest but she’s not looking at him anymore. The spell is broken. Free of the enchantment, the selenologist reaches for his glass but he’s forgotten that it’s empty. He clings to it nonetheless. He glances at the business card then at Angel. Although ready to leave, she waits. What’s she waiting for?

‘We should talk again sometime. I’ve really enjoyed it,’ she says. ‘Call me.’

The selenologist watches her leave. He’s dazed. His head spins as he picks up the business card and reads it. He’s drawn to the large font overlaying a photograph of a full moon. It says Capricorn Moon. He orders another whiskey and stares at the card. An unfamiliar rumble inside his heart shakes him and produces a strange sound which he hopes no one else hears. He recognizes the sound now. He’s heard other people refer to it as laughter. 


Sunday, April 4, 2021

Top End Angel


(contemporaryartbychristine.com (image used with permission of the artist)


There was a bombardment of crocodile jokes when I started sharing the news I was moving to Darwin. I didn’t know anything much about Darwin, apart from Cyclone Tracy and a vague awareness of the bombing of Darwin by the Japanese. I knew it was the capital of the Northern Territory, and that it was our smallest capital city, smaller by half than my hometown of Wollongong. I also knew I wouldn’t be encountering crocodiles roaming the streets of suburban Darwin, any more than I met kangaroos bounding free, left, right and centre in the suburbs of Sydney and Wollongong. I also knew Darwin was a hot place.

With my marriage over, and the demise of the substitute relationships I got involved with afterwards which caused trouble in my family, particularly with my children, I felt like it might not have been a bad idea to get away. I’d become very good at making bad decisions which had unpleasant consequences for me and those I loved. My hope was that this was a good decision: a strategic move to help me and those I’d hurt recover.

It was early in 2016 and I had been working for Mission Australia in Wollongong for three and a half years. I’m an English language teacher and as all teachers in this sector know, the availability of work relies heavily on the number of students we have enrolled. When enrollments started to dry up, and classes were being collapsed, I could see the writing on the wall. I needed something stable in my life and work had been that one thing during an incredibly difficult four year period. Had I lost my job at that time, it would have been devastating so I decided to take matters into my own hands. With nothing tying me to Wollongong, and a feeling that it might be good if I removed myself from everything and everyone familiar for a period of time, I applied for teaching positions all over the country and around the world.

In July of 2016, I treated myself to a holiday in Alice Springs; my first venture into the Northern Territory. I had wanted to experience Uluru for as long as I could remember so I booked a tour to ensure I got maximum bang for my tourist buck, and that I did. Whilst in Alice Springs, I received a job offer; the only one out of all the applications I had sent out. Due to the desperation of the company looking to employ me, I was able to negotiate a very attractive salary which included my airfare to Darwin.

There was one other stumbling block to me leaving Wollongong. My dad had been recently diagnosed with stage 4 mesothelioma (lung cancer). There was every chance that, although he was relatively healthy at that time, he could rapidly deteriorate. I was moving thousands of kilometres away from him. If he went downhill, how would I get to him? I asked him how he felt, and he unsurprisingly told me to go for it. Whether he thought it was a good move for me or not, he told me it was, and his confident assurance sealed the deal.

I was excited at the prospect of a new job in a new state. I was confident God was again directing my steps and that this was indeed the right move for me at the right time. A few months after I left Mission Australia, they lost the government contract which had kept me and my fellow teachers employed. My colleagues all lost their jobs, but I had already moved on to bigger and better things.

Darwin smacked me in the face, (the heat was a fiery wall of welcome as I left the airport terminal) then embraced me like a long-lost brother. Australia’s northern most capital felt like a big country town. I quickly lost myself in the new job, and finding somewhere to live, and learning how to get around on the buses. I enjoyed the lack of traffic, the friendly vibe, the lack of pace. I quickly found my groove and was too busy and too enthralled in exploring my new life to miss anyone back in Wollongong. Sadly, I never saw dad again. He died in December, and I was unable to return in time to say goodbye.

Finding a church enabled me to quickly make new friends. I took a gym membership and settled into a very happy routine. After a failed attempt to breathe life into a dying relationship back home which involved the person in question moving to Darwin and us renting an apartment in the city, I began to feel like I needed one more very important piece of the puzzle to be put into place. I did not want to live alone so I commenced a very serious search for love; a relationship which I hoped would lead to marriage.

In January 2018, after three months of using the eHarmony website, I was ready to cancel my membership. The novelty of searching for a life partner online had well and truly worn off, and I was disappointed at the lack of results. At the very end of the month, I saw a new profile on eHarmony and I sent a message. I believed then and still do, that God had sent me an angel. Thus began a great romance which we believe had God’s fingerprints all over it. After a couple of months, I decided I had to meet this amazing woman who I had been chatting to. At Easter I flew to Vietnam to see if the chemistry I felt online with her would translate into real life magic.

She was so nervous about meeting me, she had not slept the night before, but I knew immediately the magic was there. As soon as I embraced her at the airport and kissed her cheek, I knew I would marry her. I held her sweaty hand as we walked away to her friend's waiting car and all the way to a nearby restaurant where we had our first meal together. He friend joined us to save my angel from her oppressive shyness. Later she relaxed a little, and we walked alone on the streets of Ho Chi Minh City, stopping for a quick game of imaginary tennis on the sidewalk.

And so began a series of trips to Vietnam which thrilled my senses and made my heart swell with love. When my angel came to the Top End for her first visit in August 2018, I had been living in Darwin for two years and was excited to show off the charms of the Territory. Despite being a little overwhelmed, particularly by how quiet it was compared to Ho Chi Minh City, she spoke enthusiastically about our future life together in the Australia. On August 18, we got married at Cullen Bay in front of a small group of family and friends, at sunset.

By this time, I was housesitting full time, and loving life in Darwin more than ever. The plan was to save money and pay off some debt in preparation for my wife and children to move to Darwin. We put in the visa application in December and so began our long wait, scheduling holidays as frequently as we could; the first of which was to her hometown, Buon Ma Thuot where we had a traditional Vietnamese wedding ceremony. On February 26 the wait ended with the grant of the visa, and now our dream to live together in Australia as a family has come true. For this we thank God, and we’re also grateful to the laidback, tropical city of Darwin and her people.

I’ve seen plenty of crocodiles in my four years in Darwin, but aside from the Adelaide River residents who amuse tourists, I haven’t seen any outside of the zoo. I’ve learned more about Darwin too: her proud and resilient history, and her culture, but most importantly I’ve learned a lot about myself. Counterintuitively, coming to live in this remote, and oft maligned frontier city, a place which many call a wilderness, full of ruffians and runaways, has tamed me, calmed me down. It’s also true that my Top End Angel has done immeasurably great things to being me some peace. You could say she is a miracle: the answer to my prayers. I say that and I believe it.


by D.A.Cairns